What am I worth? (Synchronicity preview)

Many places in my life in the last few weeks someone has put some kind of value or asked me to put a number value on me as a person. It shook me to the core every time it happened. I am not something to be put into a numeric value. Maybe it scares me to think of myself as a cash cow. Put to slaughter for a price. One was for life insurance and disability insurance our yearly meeting with the same smiling face. She loves me I add more every year paranoid that someone will get hurt or goddess forbid die. I with having Epilepsy I constantly worry about my long term health. It's under control now, but I was told as a child I would outgrow it too. So here was the first place someone asked me to pick my big worth.

As I am applying for jobs or more like browsing the job market. I cannot say there has been much that screams LEAVE WHAT YOU HAVE! yet. But here is another place where they want you to say what you are worth. And it's some weird pissing game, that I don't understand. You don't want to put a salary too low and look desperate but you don't want to put too high either. But some people say over confident does win because it sells a demeanor that the upper management wants in an employee. I am just honest and put the amount I need to leave my current position for that position. I am not a good liar or negotiator. I am better to just put it out there and if you dig my vibe then we can work together. That is how I am playing this, I am looking for my bliss work related and I think it will find me when I find it.

My husband asked me what I thought I was worth for all the thoughts, ideas, jobs, all the potential in me what I could be worth. He had a number for himself and I waited and spit out some random number like $50,000 and I really have no idea where I came up with this number because I was just so taken back by the thought of quantifying my creativity and productivity into a number. Sometime since the birth of my kids, I had the revelation that the real currency in life was time. If we were to give people real gifts, it should be vouchers for our time and we should hold fast to meet face to face with people. Time is our most precious gift; One I have tried to give to my kids as often as they have allowed me. There have been people in my life I have been shamefully selfish with my time and my belly aches over those losses. But I have today. And I have time. I have no other value to speak of but I have time.

Don't read this-- I'm on Steroids--- Dany in Wonderland

When you have been sick for more than a day or two it messes with your mind more than you realize. Days and nights mean nothing. The numbers on the calendar only mean something if Facebook reminds you it is that assigned astrological day or shows you events from your past of this day 365 days ago. But then if you seek treatment for your fevers and barrage of systems then you are now inducing chemicals into the equations. Since my local witch doctor was closed and not an Ayurveda practitioner who takes Anthem within a 100-mile radius and I had to settle on western medicine to cure my ails they undecidedly called flu with a chance of bronchitis. So an antibiotic, a steroid, and an inhaler walk into my mouth and three blogs, one completed job, two half jobs and a lot of unfolded laundry later I am exhausted. I would love to have the thoughts flowing that this steroid inhaler combination is giving me. Not saying you are reading the next Joy of Sex Manual. But when you take enough Epilepsy meds to sedate a small family a crisp mind wanting to write, create and keep going is the closest to joy I have had since Florida. And it's like stepping through the mirror and back into Wonderland. And I am so afraid it will stop when the meds are done.



My positive Dany says no. This is my new path and through meditation and perseverance, this is the new way. Day two with meditation. No more waiting for the right meds or the right situation or the kids to be older. Today is my day to find my hippie happy every day, my joy.

Part of my joy today was seeing my offspring dance. She competes, which I hate but I love to see her art in form. Her face on the stage but even better her face off stage as she has accomplished her goal her art in whole. I have to block out the fake reality of the stages, trophies, makeup, fake hair and glitter. I just wanna see my baby spin and twirl like a two-year-old joyfully in the rain. To do that I had to leave the house and purse filled with meds nauseated by the phlegm filled gut, but I did and I was never happier that I forced myself into Wonderland for my daughter. I was blessed doubly by lil sister being my White Rabbit for the day.