6 ways online dating and job hunting are similar

After more than a decade of marriage and now almost two years since we separated, the dating scene is unlike anything I have never known. I also now have the need and the desire to find a new path for my career. Both utilize online apps and that is just the first step in the comparison of Job hunting and online dating.

1. Utilization of online apps- Every aspect of life seems to have an app for that. And dating and job searching are no different. I didn't and couldn't afford a pay site for dating so I went with a freebie, Plenty of Fish. The job hunt has more apps than I utilize but the ones I have tried are LinkedIn, Indeed, Glassdoor, and ZipRecruiter. My preference right now is Glassdoor and Ziprecruiter, Glassdoor gives great insights into the company and what it is like to work there from reviews by current and former employees. Ziprecruiter has a great search engine and has some direct companies hiring, I have come across sites that are nothing but filter through another app. Well, why wouldn't I go to the source and skip the middle man.

2. Most profiles or jobs are bullshit- With online dating, my first rule was to avoid the profiles listed as Widows. I found most of them to not be widows but typically they were fake profiles. Any time the person was too hot, I would check the profile and sure enough, he was a widow. I have had the same experience on Facebook. I still get the weekly request from Military men who are widows. Their profiles only have one or two pics and when you look it up online to research the name, it is a fake account. Now in the job hunt, the postings are not typically fake but they are filled with non-sales, sales jobs. For instance, they will advertise the job as one thing, and to read the description it sounds kinda promising until you read the review and see that its commission based only or the money they were offering for the job is a projected average and nothing like the paycheck you will receive.

3. Wading through the Muck- Now I have not been as lucky in my job search as I have with the online dating. I had a few standards I set for what I wanted from a partner-- must drive, must have a job or career that he is passionate about, we must inspire and motivate each other and if he mentions sex in the first email or just comments on my looks, then I would send a thoughtfully crafted question. Most responded with pleasantries that were insincere. I looked for emails that were original in thought and more that one sentence. Using these tactics, helped clear the muck and made it easy to spot the emerald in the grass. I am still knee high in the job search muck. I would love your comments on how you have navigated this system. I read the job descriptions and now the company reviews as well to make it simpler to identify one a job I want two, a job I am qualified for and finally to see what kind of culture this company has and represents.

4. If you're not careful you will be fucked, figuratively and actually- Most emails I got on Plenty of Fish were asking for sex. Some were more sly and would talk to you for like a day and ask for sexts or actual sex. Also in my job search, I have gotten the most response from what I have begun to call pyramid jobs. You can make money by recruiting or selling something like an entry-level position for people looking to change their career path. Also, these jobs are listed as making $50k plus But when you read the company reviews and job feedback on sites like Glassdoor and ZipRecruiter you learn the opinion of current and former employees. Its too bad plenty of fish does not offer reviews of the profiles on their site. I wish I could have let other online daters about some of the real a-holes on their site.

5. There are gems, maybe just not in the way you expected -- I got hundreds of messages from randos that were looking for something I wasn't, including an offer to dress, bath, feed and change a man who had a baby fetish. And being approached by a few married couples looking for more "friends," but I did find my gem almost ten months ago.

6. Always respond even if it is to politely say no- I knew that most of the people emailing me were not the daters I wanted and recruiters are sometimes just looking for a warm body. I say that 90% (not scientifically proven) of the responses I get for both online dating and job searching is all bullshit. Online recruiting has moved from the real companies doing a direct hire and mostly the postings are from recruiting organizations. I know enough to know that is how these businesses make money is by selling their services as a third-party Human resources department or guaranteed to fill your positions, etc. But that does not help us job searchers in our process. I am not saying I don't apply to these third-party recruiters but I try to steer away from those.

In life, I am just trying to find my #hippiehappy. Whether it is with a mate or in a new line of work. I hope to do a follow up to this piece when I figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Resurrection of the Soul

RESURRECTION:
the revitalization or revival of something: Oxford Dictionary

Revival--restoration to life, consciousness, vigor, strength, etc.

For the last eleven years, I have celebrated Easter Sunday with the Catholic church. This year I celebrate the resurrection of my own soul. You do not realize you have buried yourself in another. I have seen others do it over the years whether it be their job, kids, or spouse. I did not think I had done that. I thought I know who I am. I am me. Then slowly I wasn't. I was in the same room at work and at home. I had boxed in literally everywhere I went.

It started with headaches in January that led into February migraines. Then I had the a-ha moment that I needed to start looking for a new job. The pain in my mind eased up once I admitted my work was a stressor. My soul felt better. I started watching the want ads and looking into the job market and assessing how I and my skills set could fit into the every changing market that I have been out of for so long. It could be a full-time job to find a job.

Once I started on that path, then the soul needed to go deeper down to what brings me joy. What hobbies, skills, things do I love in life that I can translate into a new path to make money for my family but also bring a new level to my soul. I want to come home fulfilled and not come home drained with nothing to give my family. I need to be able to get off work, and go do and be with my kids. I have missed too much. I am looking through life with a new lens. A new focus. I am not afraid.

So today is my revival, My resurrection. My life is back, More vigor, more strength through yoga, more consciousness through meditation, more vigor through the joy and mindfulness I find in all aspects of my day from start to finish. I was blind and now I can see. I was dead and now I am alive.

What am I worth? (Synchronicity preview)

Many places in my life in the last few weeks someone has put some kind of value or asked me to put a number value on me as a person. It shook me to the core every time it happened. I am not something to be put into a numeric value. Maybe it scares me to think of myself as a cash cow. Put to slaughter for a price. One was for life insurance and disability insurance our yearly meeting with the same smiling face. She loves me I add more every year paranoid that someone will get hurt or goddess forbid die. I with having Epilepsy I constantly worry about my long term health. It's under control now, but I was told as a child I would outgrow it too. So here was the first place someone asked me to pick my big worth.

As I am applying for jobs or more like browsing the job market. I cannot say there has been much that screams LEAVE WHAT YOU HAVE! yet. But here is another place where they want you to say what you are worth. And it's some weird pissing game, that I don't understand. You don't want to put a salary too low and look desperate but you don't want to put too high either. But some people say over confident does win because it sells a demeanor that the upper management wants in an employee. I am just honest and put the amount I need to leave my current position for that position. I am not a good liar or negotiator. I am better to just put it out there and if you dig my vibe then we can work together. That is how I am playing this, I am looking for my bliss work related and I think it will find me when I find it.

My husband asked me what I thought I was worth for all the thoughts, ideas, jobs, all the potential in me what I could be worth. He had a number for himself and I waited and spit out some random number like $50,000 and I really have no idea where I came up with this number because I was just so taken back by the thought of quantifying my creativity and productivity into a number. Sometime since the birth of my kids, I had the revelation that the real currency in life was time. If we were to give people real gifts, it should be vouchers for our time and we should hold fast to meet face to face with people. Time is our most precious gift; One I have tried to give to my kids as often as they have allowed me. There have been people in my life I have been shamefully selfish with my time and my belly aches over those losses. But I have today. And I have time. I have no other value to speak of but I have time.