Just breathe

Inspiration hit, you type out this amazing blurb. You thank your muse. And go back to read it and it is gone. Not saved... That was the first paragraph of this blog. I am in research mode and not for anything in particular but synchronicity will peak my interest in a topic then due to Youtube and algorithms that I would rather no nothing about. I start seeing certain topics in my life more and more so I must consume all I can on that topic until I have a general idea on the said topic. Particularly Nikola Tesla, dreams, alternate universes, and philosophy.

I will try to create some of the thoughts and ideas in the lost paragraph, but it will never be the same.

I am a social worker and many times I am dealing with children, parents and even coworkers that are upset and what seems inconsolable. I have been learning about meditation and yoga lightly for years but I know I am an amateur so I do not speak up about it very often. But a few times this year in my job I saw places that just some deep breathing could possibly solve an issue if not give the person a moment of calm to get a fresh perspective. One was a child crying and agitated. I asked the child to do a three-step breathing exercise that I do with my son, where we stretch our arms to the sky greeting the sun inhaling through the nose, holding the breath as we bring the hands to our center solar plexus for a second to hold the breath and then releasing the breath and we reach to the ground to touch our toes. And repeat. I did this with a screaming crying child and within a minute he was fine. The sobs stopped and he finished a round of 10.



Another time a co-worker was agitated with parents and just a few weeks ago. He knew about the three-step breathing I had done with the upset child. It was the first thing out of his mouth-- he refused, thinking he would look silly. So I asked him to just breathe in through his nose holds it then exhale the negative thoughts out through his mouth. Repeating it a few times. Which he was willing to do. He only did about three but his shoulders relaxed and a smile came to his lips. Even he was a little surprised that just a few breaths brought him back to a calm he thought was gone for the day.

Our bodies do so much automatically without our knowledge, the brain, all our organs, and systems are working day and night to keep us alive. But when we can override the computer and take back some control, we can learn to be in control of our bodies even in the most stressful and what may seem overwhelming. And the easiest and healthiest way seems to be with the breath. Our lungs will breathe without our help. But when we control the air as it comes through the nostrils and hold it for a count of x. Then exhale for a count of four, the I that isn't our mind or our body is in control. Because we are not our bodies and we are not our brains. But through the overriding of these systems, we are taking back control but also letting go of that freedom of thought that many times accompanies the breathing focus.

Then feelings and emotions are no longer in control, we are. And that is the real power, the real goal of this life. Learning to control our inside leads to not allowing the outside (People and situations) to control us.

Do people want to be happy?

I have witnessed numerous people in the past week that actually made the statement, paraphrasing of course, that they like the misery in their lives alluding that to be happy would be boring. And this really has made me evaluate what we value in life has created these paradigms in our brains, souls and very beings that we would ever equate unhappiness with a state of being that would be preferable to happiness.


One area I see this on a regular basis in children and even adults who choose negative attention and feedback rather than positive. But who gets the most attention in a classroom? The best student or the child acting out? What makes the top of the news feed the charitable monk or the rambling idiot on twitter? The adage bad attention or PR is better than no attention never made sense to my brain, who is rather introverted in most ways and that may why I suck at publicising my books. And I only write a blog because I don't believe people read it except my Aunt Gini (still loving the duster!).

I digress...

So do people want to be happy?

I heard a bartender talk about being with someone who clearly made her unhappy in a million ways but the way her eyes lit up when she talked about him. It didn't take a psychologist to tell ya she will be back with that dude at least twice in the biblical sense and once more in the let's try to see if we can really make a go of this. Neither will end smoothly.

So what motivates us if not happiness? I believe that depends on what you value. I value my children's' future happiness (believe me they would agree that I don't care about their current happiness as I give them chores daily) and my own happiness. I cannot help anyone one if I am not first happy.

Happiness comes from self-happiness.

That was the a-ha for so many of us and for others they never understand and can read my words and say that I am just spewing hippie bullshit. Truly happy people are complete all on their own. Then when they meet people, friends, lovers, children, they can be wholly there for. I think where many people fail in any relationships (not just romantic) is without analyzing what it was in past interchanges that I can grow from, change, keep, toss and then glow.

A therapist told a man who had been divorced five times that the common thread in all his divorces was him. Not the women, him. That's hard to hear. We don't ever want to think maybe there is something we need to evaluate about ourselves. But that is where we become free.

We are not to replay the past over and over like its entertainment to be watched. Learn from it and let it go.


I want my happiness to be that glow that others see and feel without me having to say, I AM HAPPY. We all know truly happy people. And as I have said in this blog all along. My goal is hippie happiness. A happiness that radiates my soul without me saying a word.

Today is the gift we have. Who are you sharing it with?

How many people will you see today? Two or two hundred? You have the opportunity to share something with each person that you come in contact with-- yourself. The bit of yourself could be a smile, a short conversation, holding a door, or a long uninterrupted conversation without any electronic devices. We all have enough time to give to others. It doesn't take more than a second to smile. That person you pass in the grocery may not have spoken to any other person all day, maybe that few seconds you take to say hi, nod and ask how they are-- will be some of the best human contact they get today.

I had an awakening recently and became more aware of how I was projecting in those moments when maybe no one notices; Like the grocery store or walking down the halls of work. I realized I was only smiling when I saw someone but instantly went back to a sour face mainly because I had been suffering from migraines and was in pain. Now I find that I smile whether someone is there or not. Part of my new meditation is breathing and smiling during daily mundane tasks. I find a distant sound to focus on humming of the fluorescent lights or the running of a fan. And I am learning to shut out all other thoughts and just smile. Bliss. No thoughts. The ability to turn it off for short periods is like a massage for your brains cells. And the smile is the gift you give yourself and others because smiles are contagious as well as their byproduct-- joy.



I charge you to try and smile when no one is looking. Not because it is magical, it will not make you money or solve all of your problems. It may even hurt your cheeks a bit as you get used to this new exercise. But you may just start doing it without having to "force" yourself to do it. Or you may be smiling when no one is watching but secretly someone is. And secretly it made them smile to see someone doing some task like push a cart, just smiling. Happiness is all around us, we just need to make it be.

Little Steps towards big goals... Legion and Meditation

The past week has been sickness, sleep and way too much Netflix, Hulu, Youtube and Amazon Prime Video. I was being to miss being productive but a few great seeds were planted in the myriad of technicolor wonderland flashing before my eyes. First Legion is the greatest new mind F#ck of a show on all of the airwaves, cable waves, the internet, paid or free. I love not knowing one second to the next what is coming, maybe it has been the flu but the ride is so much fun. A great diversion from the reality of reality. Thank you for whoever is making that amazing show. Bravo to all of you. Seriously. When you go home at night, give yourself a little pat on the back and I hope you are having as much fun making it as I am experiencing-- it is bringing me joy. I digress. But related-- to the mind.

The other seeds-- cleaning the mind. The show Legion has a lot to do with the mind and the manipulation of it. The other shows I found myself watching were documentaries and YouTubers on zen mediations and other forms of mediations.

For years, I strove to figure out the picture perfect method of meditating. I tried relaxing every body part but I always ended up asleep. Not a very good method of true meditation but it did help with my insomnia and also helped with the racing thoughts at night.

My next go about was Holy Hour of Adoration as a Catholic for about a year. I loved this quiet hour with the Jesus but I was fidgety and found myself pacing around the church as long as no one else was there. I figured as long as I was silent with Jesus He wouldn't care if I was walking around the Church. I loved the silence, though. This was the greatest lesson of this was we were not to be bringing things to God in this time but just being with him. In Silence, we learn much.



In a multiple part series on meditation I watched, one of the first things they discussed was making a designated space for meditation. Nothing fancy. We will start with items to have in the area. I am not an expert and cannot comment on the medical side of what is best for you. I found multiple pillows that will fit the areas around my bottom and back until I am used to the seated position. Better.

So I was totally hippie happy, lit my incense and got about seven minutes of meditation in. But that is 7 minutes more that yesterday. But I got my meditation revelation of the day. Meditation is not about learning anything. It isn't about any religion. Prophet. The reason they try to teach you to empty your mind is because we all work so hard and carry so much past present and future in our brains, that if you can give your brain 7 minutes of silence. Rest. That is when we really supercharge our brains. in the silence. is the answer we seek.


whatever makes you happy. whatever you want---radiohead

Standing on the edge of the precipice...

I have been blogging for a couple years now I think. I started the blog so that once I stopped writing my books that I would not lose writing skills even though I had stepped away from the typewriter so to speak. I wanted to keep my fingers nimble and my brain churning as much as possible. I started reviewing products because I love free shit and receiving packages even more. But then I got addicted to the process. Not the review writing which started to suck my soul and it filled my social media with the free stuff I was trying out but I think I was pissing off my friends with pics of pretty much adverts for these products that my friends may or may not wanted to see. I didn't and don't want to lose friends because of that. I barely have friends I consider real, to begin with.

So I have been contemplating so many aspects of my life recently-- this blog, my place in the world, religions, meditation, where I want to live, how to be the best me and best parent, and where do I go from here. And the one thing I have come up with is I am not content with where I am. Things much change to be better tomorrow.

My studies of Ayurveda was the starting point of learning more about my body and how every aspect of our lives affect every other aspect of our being. When we are stressed we get sick more. It seems so simple but it's a truth that in America we seem to forget and just medicate instead of looking at the heart of why illnesses and maladies begin. The real struggle is heading the stress off before it begins. I want to learn that skill, more important I want to teach those skills to my kids. Yoga and meditation are the keys. I know they are. I would love to learn from skilled teachers, but now I have to settle for youtube, Amazon Prime, and books.

This summer my best friend lost her father, he was one of the greatest men I knew and his death rocked all of our lives. Wolf's death has made me look at life every day and want to be and do better. My best friend started watching Twin Peaks again with her sister as a result of being home when her father passed on, which I in turned watched as well. David Lynch the director is an avid Transcendental Meditation advocate and is working to spread TM to schools and kids to help a new generation cope with life in a "new" way. I feel a pull to this in some way. If you would like more info on what he is doing here is the link https://www.davidlynchfoundation.org/. There is also a transcendental meditation page
http://www.tm.org/ I would love to be trained but that cost. And I am a broke social worker, frowns.


I know the precipice I am at is painful but one of growth and blessings in the long term. I just don't know whether to jump, stay put or how to get to the next there.