Standing on the edge of the precipice...

I have been blogging for a couple years now I think. I started the blog so that once I stopped writing my books that I would not lose writing skills even though I had stepped away from the typewriter so to speak. I wanted to keep my fingers nimble and my brain churning as much as possible. I started reviewing products because I love free shit and receiving packages even more. But then I got addicted to the process. Not the review writing which started to suck my soul and it filled my social media with the free stuff I was trying out but I think I was pissing off my friends with pics of pretty much adverts for these products that my friends may or may not wanted to see. I didn't and don't want to lose friends because of that. I barely have friends I consider real, to begin with.

So I have been contemplating so many aspects of my life recently-- this blog, my place in the world, religions, meditation, where I want to live, how to be the best me and best parent, and where do I go from here. And the one thing I have come up with is I am not content with where I am. Things much change to be better tomorrow.

My studies of Ayurveda was the starting point of learning more about my body and how every aspect of our lives affect every other aspect of our being. When we are stressed we get sick more. It seems so simple but it's a truth that in America we seem to forget and just medicate instead of looking at the heart of why illnesses and maladies begin. The real struggle is heading the stress off before it begins. I want to learn that skill, more important I want to teach those skills to my kids. Yoga and meditation are the keys. I know they are. I would love to learn from skilled teachers, but now I have to settle for youtube, Amazon Prime, and books.

This summer my best friend lost her father, he was one of the greatest men I knew and his death rocked all of our lives. Wolf's death has made me look at life every day and want to be and do better. My best friend started watching Twin Peaks again with her sister as a result of being home when her father passed on, which I in turned watched as well. David Lynch the director is an avid Transcendental Meditation advocate and is working to spread TM to schools and kids to help a new generation cope with life in a "new" way. I feel a pull to this in some way. If you would like more info on what he is doing here is the link https://www.davidlynchfoundation.org/. There is also a transcendental meditation page
http://www.tm.org/ I would love to be trained but that cost. And I am a broke social worker, frowns.


I know the precipice I am at is painful but one of growth and blessings in the long term. I just don't know whether to jump, stay put or how to get to the next there.

Self Doubt, Laziness or Over-scheduled Life?

Every summer I try hard to write a crap ton then I edit through the school year when work occupies my brain the most. At the beginning of the summer, my daughter asked if this was going to be another "mommy hidden behind her laptop" kind of summer. And it hasnt been.

I would like to say I have spent most of the summer trying to make great memories for my kids, which has been the primary objective. But little parts of me thinks I will never be good enough to write "real" books, so I left my writing in pursuit of making everyone else happy. I have helped with my nephews, my sister, my so called friends, and most of all I have helped my kids and hubby to have as much fun as possible. But I always leave out me.

I love to write. I love the idea of transporting someone to a place and time of my creation giving the reader reasons to care about the characters and forgetting all the stress of their real life. I love to read. I love an author who can engulf me in someplace or time that I would never experience in my lifetime.

I want to be a published author but more than that I want someone, anyone to enjoy the words I have written, to love and hate my characters and to not know where the story will take them.

How to be a stay at home mom/writer for the summer

Every time I get myself in a good habit of reading and writing something comes along to derail my progress. This week we have been in the 100s for the most of the week and my butt has been in the pool (I know poor Danyel:)) and by the time I get done with my daily cleaning and swimming I am assed out.

Every summer I struggle with being a stay at home mom, mostly because the kids get bored so easily. So Santa was proactive and got the kids Kings Island passes and then we were blessed with a house with a pool. Kids are not bored but mommy is very tired. I am having to get up before them every day to have a little time to myself.  But I always debate-- mommy time or sleep?

Then this weekend of storms, electricity out and heat wave took the best out of me. I have napped 3 times today.  But I am awake now, having the kids watch Harry Potter and I am editing my WIP and writing a little bliggety blog.

Oh and it is time for True Blood. Dont even get me started on my issues with that show.