Mid Life Awakening or Crisis? Reframing our outlook.

Who would have guessed that around 40-42 and I don't know what to do with my life? Midlife crisis? Maybe its the average age that someone realizes what matters in the long term. Time and how we squander, cherish, and maybe even savor every single moment of every day. You may realize that you have worked more than played and it has not gotten you ahead. And others of us have been in helping profession that becomes burnt out or just walked the path as far as necessary and jumps onto another new path that you never saw running up beside the old path. New flowers, plants, and trees to see along the way and the sympathy of the insects are in tune with your heart song.

Is that a midlife crisis or is it a true awakening? Some would say "Woke" and it is a clarity of wants, needs, and desires of the brain and heart. It's hearing each note as the song in a whole is just as memorable. Stopping to feel the light breeze causing you to close your eyes long enough to inhale the wind into your body.

So yeah, I am having a mid-life

crisis, which also lines up with about the age I thought I would die, about 86. That was the number I have visualized since I was a small child.

We see our grandparents aging, a sad group who has already lost a parent or a child, we know that every day is not guaranteed. This moment is all I have right now. I am joyous to spend this moment now, writing this blog. I love creating things from words. I truly love the research and thought processes that go into creating a new villain or plotting on a new book. And I have been blessed with the frame of mind to be able to write and read since decreasing epilepsy meds almost a year ago.

But the real question is where do I go from here? A master's degree? Technology classes? I have taken assessments and career quizzes and they all say I am a thinker or thinking type. I love to learn, I love to discover but how to progress from here? I am continuing to pursue my path, trying to enjoy the journey.

Trying something fun to make money

After months of trying to find a new job. I have decided to try the newest fad in jobs, delivery of goods, aka a personal shopper. Which if we are being honest is my dream job.

I have loved grocery shopping and shopping in general since childhood. But more once I worked at Thriftway in the 90s.

I have done one shop and it was easy step by step directions with a flawless app. Only real downside is getting shifts. Even a week out, many in my desired area was on a wait list. But I made 14$ for about 27min worth of driving and shopping.

Join me below...

https://shoppers.instacart.com/?referral=DMCDANIEL551EC

Momma's tears, a daughter turns eighteen

I took this picture of my baby girl last night. My last photo of her as a child, seventeen years and 364 days old. I have waited for this day through her roller coaster teens, mouthy tweens, and independent soul from birth. There were days when I didn't know if we were gonna come out of this alive.

The day I found out I was expecting, my bestie Meena was the first person I told. She asked how we felt about this, and I started crying and said, happy. We went straight to Babies R Us and bought her the cutest blankie, outfit, and some other trinket. Fast forward nine months and I was due 5/5 and my last day was the Friday before. I scheduled a massage with my Aunt Gini, and the night before Vannah was born I had a full body massage then came home and cleaned out every cabinet we had and finished painting the dining room.

On May 2, 2001, around ten am, my water broke just like on every show you see. I was standing in the kitchen and sploosh. My baby daddy and Meena were still asleep and I figured I would be in labor forever. So I cleaned, took a shower, shaved, and tried to look presentable. My mom looked great when my sister was born a few years earlier, so I tried to accomplish what she did in still looking nice even though you are about to pop out a carbon-based life form through what seemed an impassable portal.

Around noon closer to one, I finally called my mom and woke up the soon to be daddy and soon to be auntie. By two pm, I was ready to head to the hospital. I was shocked when the ER kept acting like I wasn't in real labor, but then after a little check under the hood they realized, I hadn't pissed myself and my water was broken.

They gave me way too much epidural. I couldn't feel a thing. We still joke that my mom, my aunt, and baby daddy pushed harder than I did. I was also blessed that my grandmother asked to be part of the birth since she did not really get to witness her own kids births or any other grandchild. I was so happy to have her in my corner.

By the time she joined us at 933 pm, my nurses were telling me about a horde of people in the hallways waiting to hear our baby was healthy, happy and a girl. She had been onry during the one ultrasound I had, but I knew she was gonna be a girl. We didn't even pick out a baby name. I had dreams about having a girl and met her as she was older in the dream. She had reddish blonde hair in my dream.

Then the pain began as the epidural wore off, a splitting headache like no other feeling I had ever encountered. 36 hours later they realized that the anesthesiologist had gotten an air bubble in my spine and it was cured with a small bit of my blood from my arm. And instantly I felt better.

This is my story of Vannah, the baby formerly known at TK (the kid) and Nova Rion (the name I picked before my mother suggested the name from my favorite childhood movie, Savannah Smiles.

Fast forward to today, I am in Mercy Fairfield for a meeting, 18 years almost to the hour that I got to the hospital in labor with my baby girl. Its a small world that is about to get very big for one little lady.

Chaos and Calm, 3 tips for regaining power from Stress

I have spent the last 13 years working in the public school system, and I can say that the best teachers for the majority of children utilize a clean, organized almost-minimalistic approach to the surroundings in the room. Kids (and adults for that matter)with ADHD have an easier time focusing when things have a place to be and the kids know the boundaries of the room and the rules.

When I have chaos in my life or when stress has built up too much I start my own type of CPR.
1. Walk, move, get the oxygen flowing through your body. There is not always an option say if you are in a meeting or appointment, then I take away the movement and try to get my breathing increased to increase blood flow and oxygen. If I need energy, I will breathe in and out just shy of hyperventilating for a minute. Or if I am amped up, I will slow it down breathing in for three count, hold for three and exhale for three seconds. Repeat until shoulders release from their peaks.

2. Stretches/Yoga time-- For me, there are times when breathing in a stretch position or a yoga pose will feel better and bring me happiness and joy than a gluten-free donut.

3. Water with a citrus fruit squeezed into it. This is my new go to. I particularly love lime in water. It helps with the blah-ness of plain water all the time. I know I need water and most of the time it will suffice but when I am stressed or looking for calm there is nothing better than water, no caffeine or sugars to mess with the body's already heightened state.

BONUS*** Its really the #1 way for me to find calm-- in the woods, nature, the beach, the mountains. Anywhere earth is under toe and fresh air is freely available. This can be hard if you live in the fields of Ohio, especially when the weather is prickly. I have been hiking a few time since Spring began almost a week ago and I thank the Earth for the spring even as my eyes water and I sniffle. To get out of our homes like a thaw has occurred, is like hearing your favorite song on the radio blaring out the windows that share your beats.

Life will never be stressless, but I can stress less.